Love

It comes from many sources, but the one I covet the most is the one that two strangers happen upon and are swept away by. Why? Because there are no genetic predispositions or built-in bonds of affection. Because it is a matter of choice, right up until it is no longer a matter of choice but a matter of 'need'. To choose to need. This is the pinnacle of Love, because it exposes one to a risk that was not there in the past, need not be here in the present, and may be there in the future: To lose the one you need. What greater risk than to lose the one you love, the one you need? Perhaps, a better question: What greater risk than to not love this way at all?

Fast, Efficient and Correct ... Still, Something is Missing

When I am working in New York City, I frequent a fairly large, 24/7, eatery and grocery for breakfast, and am utterly amazed by the speed and efficiency with which the place and its people operate. I place my order for an omelette at the grill, where the short-order cook appears to be juggling 15 other orders, and within 5 minutes I am presented with my to-go box. I get in line to pay behind 25 other people, and within 5 minutes I am at the register being handed a receipt while, simultaneously, the cashier is already raising her hand for the next person to approach. As I exit, I am struck by the army of people exiting with me (a veritable exodus, you might say), and the army of entering through the adjacent door. The whole thing is a satisfactory model of efficiency. A model that only requires a modicum of queuing theory knowledge to appreciate that, given the inflow of people, anything less would result in exceeding the 'fire code' threshold number of occupants. 

And yet, this model of efficiency still leaves something to be desired. 

It lacks a fundamental aspect of what you might encounter (at least, what I infer you might encounter) at a similar venue in Japan: delight, or, in Japanese, 'yorokobi' (I think). 

While I am duly impressed by the efficiency of the place, it is this very efficiency that gives me pause, as there is nary a smile, "hello", "how are you doing?" that comes your way as you are shuffled down the assembly line. I imagine that a type-A / Wall Street-type might actually be annoyed with salutations and rhetorical questions as they rush towards the rush, so I imagine that this is learned, if not imparted, behavior, which cannot be blamed on the establishment itself. It is, however, an interesting question to grapple with as we strive towards ever-greater efficiency: 

Where do we draw the line between efficiency (getting things done fast) and expediency (being efficient at the expense of other, important things). 

Should we optimize humanity subject to efficiency? 

Or should we optimize efficiency subject to humanity? 

Knowing Something about Someone

When someone unexpectedly knows something about someone, it is, to that someone, an inspiring surprise indeed. Some of the best leaders I've worked with had less command of the business and more command of people behind the business: their names (first and foremost), families, recent events, motivators, etc. This is why technocrats can hardly complete against politicians, as evidenced by Theodore Roosevelt, when he said "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care". Of course, no one likes a smart ass who simply recites facts that they gleaned from an online profile, so this is more about deep and unexpected knowledge than surface facts, and the only way to glean that kind of information is to really care about knowing something about someone.

The Constant Pause

It is good to have a firm grasp on the realities of reality, even at a young age, despite the fact that we grow up with fables, but, to the extent that perception is reality, we can also teach and have a bit of poetic license with the facts. What one might see as a disaster or betrayal, another might see as a test or cry for help. Therein lies the notion of the 'constant pause'. The beauty of being in a constant state of meditation is the ever-present micro-second you have before witnessing an occurrence in the world and interpreting what it means. To me, that micro-second is the difference between happiness and sadness. It highlights the power of choice. You may not be able to control what goes on in the world, but you can control what goes on in your world: the universe within. It is a matter of choosing to place people and events in a context that is broad enough to stitch them together in a more meaningful fabric, rather than seeing things as raw transactions in a cold, unyielding world. This is not a new concept. It is core to many philosophies and personal stories of survival and success. Still, it is not, as far as I can tell, something that many of us actively practice or teach. We are often times too far into the world to look down upon it. It is hard to read the map while you are in the map. So the next time you feel as though you are going to have 'a moment', try to have a micro-second first ;-)

Exact Change

If you are old enough to remember actually buying something with cash, you probably have run into the situation where you have something like a 5 and 10 dollar bill on you, but the item you’re buying costs $5.01! In lieu of having that extra penny, you hand the cashier a 10 dollar bill, and get back 4 grams worth of dollar bills and 36.5 grams worth of coins. This is quite a weighty burden. One that the mind rejects, but must often accept upon registering the completely non-empathetic look on the cashier’s face. (Again, if you are old enough, you may recall a time when the cashier would happily spot you that penny.) Upon receiving your change, your mind might have an ever-so-brief moment of euphoria, as, indeed, you do have a penny!  But it is only as a result of not having exact change that you find yourself in possession of that newly acquired penny.

So it is in life: The lessons we learn from the mistakes we make are no cause for celebration for the things we break.

Your mind may experience a brief moment of euphoria to the contrary, and your mind may, at times, be correct – there are, of course, times when it is not too late to learn from one’s mistakes and salvage the life we know. But beware: Sometimes it is the absolute sacrifice of the life we know that brings us the most salient and poignant lessons, and these can only be applied to the future. The very thing you miss by virtue of nostalgia, the very thing you want to return to, is no longer there. To return to what is no longer there, in hopes of applying the very lessons that were born of its very death, is a futile exercise indeed, so it is worth a little time and reflection before looking into the reflection of time; especially time past.

Local Optimization

Local Optimization: One of my favorite things I do when I am working in New York City is carve out the 2 x 2 block area where I will live out my entire life while on site. It allows me to learn a bit more about the people and the places, versus the more transactional nature of going to a new place every day. Come to think of it, even when I am on vacation, I tend to favor hanging with the local folks in the local 'joints'. Anywho... My main point here is that if you are anywhere between Hudson / Varnick and King / Vandam, look me up ;-)

The Knowing Smile of Self-Delusion

Have you ever had occasion to deal with someone who predicts tragedy for 5 things, is wrong about 4 of them, but then flashes you the 'knowing smile of self-delusion' when the 5th item goes wrong? As if to say, "gather round children, and basque in my omniscient negativity". To me, this elicits a kind of sadness, aside from the impetus to wipe said smile off of said person's face, because it reveals one of the greatest pitfalls of the human mind - confirmation bias: the tendency to identify and interpret information in a way that confirms one's beliefs. Of course, there are pros and cons to be had in just about everything, so I am not really saddened by confirmation bias per se. It is the bias towards the negative that makes me sad. If someone predicts a stellar outcome for 5 things, disregards the 4 that were, indeed, tragic, and then rejoices in the 1 item that went well, I might very well like this person ;-) The flip side, on the other hand, represents someone with a poisonous mind, that might (might) be able to see his or her way clear to greater self-awareness and more objective thinking (or, at the very least, subjective thinking in the positive), but, all too often, I feel that once a person has engaged in this mindset for a long enough period of time, the negativity becomes part of their persona - how they see themselves in the world - and any argument to the contrary is quickly ingested into the mind and broken down into ideas that feed current thinking - e.g. a sunny day becomes a potentially skin cancer causing day. In terms of strategies for dealing with this kind of person, I have become familiar with two: (1) 'fire and forget', wherein you employ the Socratic method to help them see that it is just as easy to predict a positive outcome as a negative one, and hope that in that realization they can see their own culpability in selecting the latter, with no expectation that they will see this; and (2) 'forget', wherein you simply 'raise shields' and turn off the 'universal translator', something that might save you some heartache, at the risk of narrowing down the field. Of course, there is the 3rd option that pertains to an escalation of wiping smiles off of faces, but, at the risk of committing the sin I have just written against, this would likely end up in tragedy :-/